My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months now. I am trying to move on but every time I seem to be all my defences seem to come crashing down. It's just she seems so lost so hopeless and vulnerable, she has a new boyfriend but I just can't see her like this. I want to go up to him and punch him in the face and scream at him for letting her be so miserable and not seeming to help her out... but I can't she's not my responcibility and I can't help her. Today me and her had a talk at a party she was holding for our group of friends and it broke me to peices. I can't stand there and watch her cry and watch her be so sad while here friends are trying to help her. I had to stand there and tell her everything would be okay even though I knew it wasn't, I wanted to hug her to pull her into my arms and let her know I cared for her and that I loved her and that I wouldn't allow her to be sad like this but I couldn't. I couldn't even hug her because she is not my responcibility and I shouldn't be playing the role of a boyfriend while she has her own. What can I do? I know I should just let her go but for some reason I just can't. Everytime I see her it kills me inside to know she isn't mine, yet I can't even tell her that.
This is the issue. There are people in your life that you have feelings for and care deeply about and even after they don't want you no more you are still loyal and caring with them. Which becomes a delima because you want to help them but can't. There is no easy cure for this and you really do have to get over them. The only easy way to get over them is completely remove yourself from them. Completely! If they are going to be some where, don't go. Make not completely new friends but maybe friends that wont make you and her be near each other. It is really the only way, just remove yourself and don't care anymore. It sounds mean that you should just not care anymore but sometimes there is no helping people. And trust me when I say this.
That is my advice.
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*Clan·des·tine (kln-ds'tn) adj. Kept or done in secret, often in order to conceal an illicit or improper purpose.
I'm trying but every time I see her it makes my guard drop. I'm just so hopeless! Man this is so stupid I should just drop her but I can't seem to do it every time I get close to it I pull back and hold on just a little bit and that opens me up to these feelings.
It takes a long time to break from someone I know, and for me the only way way I could break away was for them to piss me off till I finally understood. It will be hard, there is no real solving it just getting over or breaking away slowly.
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*Clan·des·tine (kln-ds'tn) adj. Kept or done in secret, often in order to conceal an illicit or improper purpose.
Its understandable to still have feelings for your gf, you cared deeply for her, giving her a piece of you heart. So when she hurts, that piece you left behind hurts. As for what to do, that's tricky. The only way you could help or influence it to just be a friend, and that in its own can be painful. If you do want to help her, then be there for her, tell her "Your still my FRIEND, and I'm here for you if you need to TALK" pat her shoulder, and if she needs a hug, make sure its a FRIEND hug, not anything more. Being too intimate could hurt you both worse. If she was to ask advise, give advise that would help HER and not get you two back together(I'm not saying you would do that Fallen, I just know its hard to resist) and mostly tell her to follow her heart. It kinda keeps a line to where you're there, but your not doing anything that would make it your fault.
But that's my opinion, its really up to you, what you do. Don't listen to what any of us say, just do what YOU think is right. You might have to face the consequences of what ever path you took, but just know it was the path YOU chose, so you did follow YOUR heart.
*hugs back* Thanks Broken I'll try to do what my heart tells me too it's just so stupid sometimes.
NuAki I have to say that is the one reason why I am mad at her. She broke up with me because she had feelings for someone else which I completely understand but she just suddenly broke up with me, and now she is here talking to me and confiding in me like it nothing. That I just don't understand.
How do people spend so much time loving one another, and then yet some how magicaly expect that to end? I, my friend, remain friends with every person I have ever loved. How one can do anything different, I can not comprehend. My ex girlfriends number some of my closest, dearest and most loved friends. My advice to you is to be her *friend*. Nothing society tells you to do is correct if it is contray to what you feel in your heart to be right and true. That said, there are many kinds of love, and many forms of affection. It is ok to love her, she is your friend. Love her as a friend, and care for her as a friend should. Life is not so black and white, and that is my advice to you.
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Across vast oceans, her master will reach her, To teach her delights, no mortals possess. She will enter my world, and discover its splendor, Then completely surrender, to my tender caress.
Advice: She broke up with you. Let it die. If she wanted you as a mate, she would not have broken up with you.
Advice II: She isn't your f**king girlfriend anymore. But she is your friend. ===Faust really helped me see that this was way too strongly worded. See the follow-up comment for what this should have been. Thanks===
-- Edited by Baal on Wednesday 26th of May 2010 12:19:24 AM
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This world is a beautiful poison Each of us make such pretty words We cause the infection to spread and grow Not just to you, but for all of them And I am the only true relief Join me, and let your sorrows end For good.
Harsh as I word that, I do not condone jumping him. I just mean that you need to stand up to this guy and tell him that this girl is being badly hurt and that you are seeing this very clearly. Let him know that she has friends who are willing to look out for her, and let him know that you don't think he is paying enough attention to that. Try to see why he is letting her get like this. Whether you learn it through him or through your FRIEND, who just so happens to be a girl, you need to be there for her. Be strong, let him know that you aren't going away, but try to start as a mutual friend of them both. If the time comes to use an iron fist, then do so indirectly by busting him for cheating/lying/etc or by revealing this carelessness in him to your friend, who just so happens to be a girl. The worst case of all scenarios ought to be threatening this guy. Try to be civil. But let the primal feelings that come with fighting keep your mind and body sharp so that you can portray yourself as you honestly feel without dulling the edges.
Its hard to say exactly how this will work. But I've had to do the talking to many times and its always different. Just try to be a better man than me and solve this like a big boy. ^u^
-- Edited by Baal on Wednesday 26th of May 2010 01:13:02 AM
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This world is a beautiful poison Each of us make such pretty words We cause the infection to spread and grow Not just to you, but for all of them And I am the only true relief Join me, and let your sorrows end For good.
I may remind you, you are only getting her side of the story, and really only the negative. The possotive people don't tend to complain about. If you don't know whats going on, then *your* the ******* if you try to break them up. And thats how they will both see it. Know your **** before you start more ****.
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Across vast oceans, her master will reach her, To teach her delights, no mortals possess. She will enter my world, and discover its splendor, Then completely surrender, to my tender caress.
This world is a beautiful poison Each of us make such pretty words We cause the infection to spread and grow Not just to you, but for all of them And I am the only true relief Join me, and let your sorrows end For good.
